He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
