it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i love accidental penises.
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its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags