your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos