There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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