he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.