Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
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She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy