apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.