Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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