miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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