I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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