can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
