He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
