What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
