And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
