I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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