I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
