I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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