Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
