dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
