You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
