Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My vagina is officially offended.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the raccoons are back...
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