Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
