i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
