I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
