we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
