My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
