I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
