did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
