O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize