chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
