Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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