remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
