I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
