Need sex. Gaining weight.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
