3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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