32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
