My hair reeks of homosexuality.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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