I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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