omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This girl is more easily done than said...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
