SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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