Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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