note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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