Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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