Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
