My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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