my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
