You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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