I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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