I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
