What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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