I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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