the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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