I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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