Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
