Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
