im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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