The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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