32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
