I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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