During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Two words: nipple clamps
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