It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
