Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
