So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
