haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
