We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
