The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
