He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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