You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
