Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
