There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
