I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂