Texts From Last Night

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  (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

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  (226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/kw3s
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  (310): View more from California

  Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies

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  (310): Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies http://tfl.nu/s7p4
  Replies (19) Good night (3893) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!

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  (740): at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!! http://tfl.nu/mp48
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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  (443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068
  Replies (25) Good night (1229) Bad night (6513) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.

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  (315): I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen. http://tfl.nu/w329
  Replies (4) Good night (1924) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

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  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6026) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

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  (615): I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight http://tfl.nu/tvrj
  Replies (30) Good night (6574) Bad night (1597)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

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  (513): Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything. http://tfl.nu/e1ys
  Replies (84) Good night (1843) Bad night (6678) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.

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  (715): Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out. http://tfl.nu/yvz7
  Replies (13) Good night (2600) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad

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  (803): My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad http://tfl.nu/1ob8
  Replies (3) Good night (1743) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.

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  (614): You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you. http://tfl.nu/0odh
  Replies (8) Good night (1966) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight

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  (404): I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight http://tfl.nu/qgh6
  Replies (4) Good night (299) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  You went over didnt you?

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  (210): He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with (1-210): You went over didnt you? http://tfl.nu/ykhn
  Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (492)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.

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  (434): do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night? (540): yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you. http://tfl.nu/hqli
  Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (276)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico

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  (651): Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico http://tfl.nu/a33d
  Replies (0) Good night (283) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt

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