Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention