I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends