I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
