I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
