uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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