So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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