see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
