Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.