Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
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Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker