I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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