I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.