thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
