oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable